Today felt like a beautiful day to hit the ground running - literally. There was a hint of spring in the early morning air but the ground still had a slightly frozen crunch. I am doing the Couch to 5K programme (Week 3 Run 2, thanks for asking) and it was nice to run on semi-frozen mud - the last few days have been distinctly soggy affairs.
There was a bit of a rush to leave the house for the school run though - and this made me painfully aware that my school run days are almost over. Between study leave, Easter and exams the number of days I’ll be needed to drop an offspring at school (sixth form) is definitely counting down.
And I’m not too sure how I feel about that.
For 18 years my mornings have been bookmarked by the need to drop kids at daycare/nursery/school etc. And now, in a matter of weeks, they won’t.
I’ve always been an early bird although 18 years of child-rearing has recalibrated my idea of early, to a certain extent. I’ve always been an ‘up and out’ kind of person, once I’m suitably caffeinated.
If I have errands to run or even if I want to fit a walk in that day I’d much rather get it done so that I can crack on with other things later. Afternoon appointments are the bane of my life. I don’t ever pick one out of choice. It’s a sure fire way for me to spend my morning in limbo, unable to settle to anything. Or I go the other way and schedule lots of things for the morning so as not to ‘waste it’. Then I end up arriving late and stressed. Either way, it’s a recipe for frustration.
One way and another the school run has served as an important marker in my days, albeit one that came with it’s own fair share of stressful moments. There are only so many times one can politely and patiently encourage two recalcitrant and independent small people to leave the house.
For years it seemed that it was impossible to leave the house without at least 10 minutes of me shouting ‘teeth’, ‘shoes’ ‘lunchbag’ at random intervals and to largely deaf ears.
In recent years when I haven’t been working and the boys are obviosuly more independant it’s still been an important start to my day. Once I’m out, I’m out. I’ll go for a walk, run errands - whatever needs doing that day.
This morning though I found myself what my post-summer mornings might look like.
It feels as though it is a really significant stage in our transition from parents of kids to parents of young adults. One that will probably take some navigating if I’m honest.
And that’s where I came unstuck for a while. Try as I might I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that I won’t be needed as much. It will be welcome, of course, but very much a double edged sword.
My brain can rationalise it on one level but dealing with it emotionally is quite another.
One thing I’m determined to avoid is calling myself an empty nester. It seems like such a negative way to describe myself and this next stage of my life.
Rather than focus on what’s lacking - baby birds - I’d rather focus on what is gained - two young and slightly gawky birds taking to the air. To reach, to very literally spread their wings.
Leaving me behind but in a good way. Watching them soar with a full heart (and a full fridge). Then fluffing my feathers and flying off - a little slower - on my own adventures.
Good luck with it! I have no children, but I can relate it to when we retired and there was no more work to go to! It took about a year to not feel like we were on holiday all the time. Now we're laid back that it's not just afternoon appointments that spoil our day, it's any appointment! And having been a busy 'getting things done' kind of person, now if I have more than one thing to do a day, I grumble like mad! It's all relative!
I still have an ingrained belief that my working day is over at around 3pm. I keep forgetting I can actually fit in another couple of hours before I even have to think about cooking tea. (For context, it's 20 years since I last had to collect a child from primary school).