I also like 'what other people think of you is non of your business' - everyone is entitled to think what they think, see life through their own lense, just as you are and what we all must do, in every life area, is attend to our own business. Mind your own business can actually be seen positively!
Yes, that’s the actual quote, I got mine wrong! “What other people think of you is none of your business/their business”. And often used the example, “if someone thinks you’re a truck, does it make you a truck?”... I miss him and his wisdom.
Louise - I adore you and I'm sorry this has happened. It's also happened to me recently and it's taken me HOURS of coaching and phone calls with friends to get over. I'm still considering writing a post like this... I've written three in my journal. I'll say "hurt people hurt people" and I would have loved to have been wrong about these particular folks but it looks like I'm not. My friend runs a very successful instagram interiors account an the trolls are INCREDIBLE - he's not bothered by any of it and actually finds it quite funny because he's in his true north with his creativity and that is our gold! Much love xxx
There are sadly, a lot of people who get enjoyment from trying to bring others down online. It's like a hobby to them, they joke about bringing the popcorn and settling in for a good snarking session. I think they forget that there are real people involved in all of this, with real feelings - to them it's just another form of entertainment (like reality TV).
That's an interesting way of looking at it. I really can't understand what anyone would have to say about your lovely online presence in a negative light - very odd!! Cx
Oh knitting (any art really) is so subjective. It's easy for people to criticise your designs, or the way you run your community, or anything really. Invariably the comments come from people who 'consume' but don't ever generate anything themselves. I think it's a bit like authors who complain when people tag them in negative reviews 😂 No one needs to hear bad stuff being said about their work.
Yeah, one of the people I followed, started going on about someone they disagreed with and was unhappy whenever they posted. I asked why they were going on about someone they didn’t like, and why they were giving them space in their brain, and more air. I got the equivalent of yelled out, canceled, blocked, and some of my remaining funds were returned. It was shocking. I felt bad for about two days. Then I realized this person had severe problems, they took out their anger on me. I realized they didn’t know me personally and they made it so they never would. Not everyone is going to like you, best to hang out with those who celebrate the fine person you are rather than the imagined troll they see. Got to figure out what is real and what isn’t.
Crikey, that's an extreme reaction. As you say it's obviously a "them" problem rather than a "you" problem. I never really understood the concept of 'hate follows' but some people really do follow accounts on social media that they hate, just so they can tear them down. Life's just too short for that kind of negative energy.
How can people be so mean to lovely people like yourself and Louise??
I must admit, this is a fear of putting myself out there, but I came up with something that I try and do:
Imagine writing the names of people whose opinion I ACTUALLY care about.
Then I imagine putting this small piece of paper in my pocket.
When there is an occasion when I worry about what others think, I pretend I take that piece of paper out, and if they aren’t on their list, then I give myself permission to ignore what they think about me.
I’m sorry I’m so late to discover this post, but I just wanted to give some encouragement that it means you’re onto something magical! the same happened to me 3.5 years ago in the hand embroidery niche, which I thought would be quite harmless... but ouch it took until last week to grasp my courage and venture out on a new creative adventure (this Substack). Haters going to hate no matter what and unfortunately the closer you are to your truth and more popular you get in the public eye the sooner they come. It’s a sign of success I suppose! Xx
When people say horrible things I always think it says a whole lot about the person and what sad lives they must have to make them so vindictive and unpleasant. You did the right thing by letting it go and not lowering yourself to their level!
That temptation to respond must have been very real Louise and I really admire your decision to walk away. Sometimes when we take a minute to pause a different solution will present itself. To know that you value yourself enough and know your self worth to take the higher vibration choice. 🙏💫
Thank you for saying that. I think it really struck home because there have definitely been times in the past where I have lashed out and reacted in the moment. Reflecting back on how that went it's hard to see it in a positive light. This felt different, reclaiming my power and my energy in a totally different way.
Absolutely Louise! Sometimes it’s the way we see how much we have grown and can appreciate the opportunity to do that. You were presented with a gift. 💫🙏
I was taught this lesson years ago by a much older and wiser person following an unkind letter. It proved to be the right advice. The following week somebody made a lovely remark which killed the letter dead and reassured me.
I have used it with others ever since , leave them wondering what you thought of their remark. Nobody can react if you don’t
Brilliant Louise ~ the way You took the high road and thus freed yourself from the quicksand that often grabs us when dealing with those who need to diminish someone just to make themselves feel better!! Rising above the ugly and untrue is the safest way to protect yourself knowing your own value makes it easier to hold one’s head high and use you energy for more positive and useful things!! 🌲🌲🌲🌲
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience and perhaps while it doesn’t deal with the specifics of your discoveries it reminded me of a course on growing and developing ones online offerings and groups. She talked exactly to this scenario. Like you, she a person with deep integrity and heart felt intentions. She came to the point that actually those in her groups who also occupy other online spaces that she didn’t, effectively rebutted the accusations, so she chose to step back and like you put the invitation to engage away. Her people did a fine job and actually that carried more weight than if she ever had stepped up to defend herself. Sometimes our silence speaks louder. Her response was to carry on being her, being a person of integrity and still offering her heart out there as before. Her business and contentment blossom as she’s honest. Her people love and respect that. Those that aren’t sometimes throw trash. So the practice of self trust takes the effort to stay rooted and know that we are our truth AND that’s just all we need to be. You are enough.
If it’s persistent over a long period it can be draining to sustain and feel voiceless and that I know intimately.In my local community we were the butt of a neighbours dislike of our planning application. We jointly decided just to remain calm and level and not engage with the garbage being peddled. Suffice it to say we had done everything to bring them on board and adapt but decided the best way was to not feed the vitriol. It was exhausting and went on for years. Suffice it to say eventually, post build, the reasons for such behaviours surfaced which were zero to do with us and all to do with them wishing to acquire our property. It all made sense but learnt at a price of our peace for a long while. The lightbulb moment was important to be able to really achieve emotionally putting it in the past. We understand that it was nothing to do with anything we proposed, but simply being the wrong people as far as they were concerned. We would always be the wrong people whatever we did or didn’t do. My point here - it will be nothing to do with you, eventually they will get bored if the thread isn’t fed. Some take longer to die than others. However, we very clearly understand who aren’t necessarily able to to be “fair” around us and who are and we handle things tentatively without being rude. We understand viscerally that some folk really have no interest in other’s welfare or the effect of their behaviour. Full stop.
It’s quite the challenge to swallow that you, what you stand for or your integrity is actually of no interest or value to another. Especially if you are open and trustworthy in your bones . There is no “community “ in their soul. We all like to feel there is at least a modicum of self respect and restraint between us to balance our self motivation but for some it runs thin. We know our detractors will never open their minds or hearts so response has to be carry on being our selves , including thinking about their welfare when it’s really tough too. I allow myself the acknowledgment that it’s tough though. Truth wins on the inner peace front.
A lovely therapist during a nasty divorce said to me “ your best revenge is always to behave better than he does “ When am tempted to go fishing in the pond of defence her voice steps up and I put that shiny bauble straight back down.
Thank you. It definitely felt uncomfortable but I'm so pleased I went with it and let it pass. It feels totally different to how I have reacted in the past - very much a learning moment.
Thank you so much for this post. As a big Twitter user, I’ve become really adept at scrolling on, muting and ignoring people who enter my online space with rudeness and aggression. My golden rule is that if they approach in bad faith, I don’t need to respond. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze!
Often I text a reply, look at it, think Naaaah, then delete. You’re right, it’s not worth the energy because you can never convince them otherwise anyway. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Thank you for sharing this great story Louise❤ It's certainly not great that it happened but it's delicious that you noticed, shut your computer and walked away! That negative online thread showed up at exactly the right time for you, it taught you to grow and release and now, you have taught us.
Walking away, knowing that their opinions are not really about you, is so easy to say and so very hard to do. I love Glennon Doyle's "Block & Bless", get them out of your life, send them on their way with love and light and you keep moving forward. The first time I got a super negative online comment I was shaken but I also thought "Wow, I'm finally making an impact. If everyone likes you you're being too homogenous and not really standing FOR anything".
As you said, your community who knows you will wholeheartedly stand with you in solidarity and you can see that happening here. The ones who would be swayed by those comments are not your people.
When anything like this happens it makes me want to completely distance myself from the people and the situation. I have better and far more interesting things to do with my time and energy than engage with such toxicity. Good on you for taking a breath and doing what’s best for you. After all, you have to live with you.
Dr Wayne Dyer was always saying: “What other people think of you is their problem”.
Good you let it slide and didn’t add fuel to the fire!
Oh this is the best!!!
I also like 'what other people think of you is non of your business' - everyone is entitled to think what they think, see life through their own lense, just as you are and what we all must do, in every life area, is attend to our own business. Mind your own business can actually be seen positively!
Yes, that’s the actual quote, I got mine wrong! “What other people think of you is none of your business/their business”. And often used the example, “if someone thinks you’re a truck, does it make you a truck?”... I miss him and his wisdom.
Love this
Oh, I love this. Thank you.
That is a great quote! ✨
Louise - I adore you and I'm sorry this has happened. It's also happened to me recently and it's taken me HOURS of coaching and phone calls with friends to get over. I'm still considering writing a post like this... I've written three in my journal. I'll say "hurt people hurt people" and I would have loved to have been wrong about these particular folks but it looks like I'm not. My friend runs a very successful instagram interiors account an the trolls are INCREDIBLE - he's not bothered by any of it and actually finds it quite funny because he's in his true north with his creativity and that is our gold! Much love xxx
There are sadly, a lot of people who get enjoyment from trying to bring others down online. It's like a hobby to them, they joke about bringing the popcorn and settling in for a good snarking session. I think they forget that there are real people involved in all of this, with real feelings - to them it's just another form of entertainment (like reality TV).
That's an interesting way of looking at it. I really can't understand what anyone would have to say about your lovely online presence in a negative light - very odd!! Cx
Oh knitting (any art really) is so subjective. It's easy for people to criticise your designs, or the way you run your community, or anything really. Invariably the comments come from people who 'consume' but don't ever generate anything themselves. I think it's a bit like authors who complain when people tag them in negative reviews 😂 No one needs to hear bad stuff being said about their work.
No and you know one of my mentors says don’t bother sending me the email I won’t get it! Her VA fields them all!
Yeah, one of the people I followed, started going on about someone they disagreed with and was unhappy whenever they posted. I asked why they were going on about someone they didn’t like, and why they were giving them space in their brain, and more air. I got the equivalent of yelled out, canceled, blocked, and some of my remaining funds were returned. It was shocking. I felt bad for about two days. Then I realized this person had severe problems, they took out their anger on me. I realized they didn’t know me personally and they made it so they never would. Not everyone is going to like you, best to hang out with those who celebrate the fine person you are rather than the imagined troll they see. Got to figure out what is real and what isn’t.
Crikey, that's an extreme reaction. As you say it's obviously a "them" problem rather than a "you" problem. I never really understood the concept of 'hate follows' but some people really do follow accounts on social media that they hate, just so they can tear them down. Life's just too short for that kind of negative energy.
How can people be so mean to lovely people like yourself and Louise??
I must admit, this is a fear of putting myself out there, but I came up with something that I try and do:
Imagine writing the names of people whose opinion I ACTUALLY care about.
Then I imagine putting this small piece of paper in my pocket.
When there is an occasion when I worry about what others think, I pretend I take that piece of paper out, and if they aren’t on their list, then I give myself permission to ignore what they think about me.
Easier said than done when it is a direct jab.
That’s really beautiful Mika! ✨✨
That's such a beautiful thought. Thank you 💖💖
I’m sorry I’m so late to discover this post, but I just wanted to give some encouragement that it means you’re onto something magical! the same happened to me 3.5 years ago in the hand embroidery niche, which I thought would be quite harmless... but ouch it took until last week to grasp my courage and venture out on a new creative adventure (this Substack). Haters going to hate no matter what and unfortunately the closer you are to your truth and more popular you get in the public eye the sooner they come. It’s a sign of success I suppose! Xx
You are so right, thanks so much for your comment and I'm thrilled we discovered each other here.
Yes me too!
Yes exactly that Elin. Sending love. ✨
When people say horrible things I always think it says a whole lot about the person and what sad lives they must have to make them so vindictive and unpleasant. You did the right thing by letting it go and not lowering yourself to their level!
You are so right. I read a quote the other day which was something like "happy people don't want to hurt others" and that seems really relevant here.
That’s so true. People who are living their life with purpose and passion have no time for creating this kind of drama.
That temptation to respond must have been very real Louise and I really admire your decision to walk away. Sometimes when we take a minute to pause a different solution will present itself. To know that you value yourself enough and know your self worth to take the higher vibration choice. 🙏💫
Thank you for saying that. I think it really struck home because there have definitely been times in the past where I have lashed out and reacted in the moment. Reflecting back on how that went it's hard to see it in a positive light. This felt different, reclaiming my power and my energy in a totally different way.
Absolutely Louise! Sometimes it’s the way we see how much we have grown and can appreciate the opportunity to do that. You were presented with a gift. 💫🙏
I was taught this lesson years ago by a much older and wiser person following an unkind letter. It proved to be the right advice. The following week somebody made a lovely remark which killed the letter dead and reassured me.
I have used it with others ever since , leave them wondering what you thought of their remark. Nobody can react if you don’t
You did the right thing x
Thank you, it's a wonderful lesson to learn. I only wish I'd learned it years ago.
Brilliant Louise ~ the way You took the high road and thus freed yourself from the quicksand that often grabs us when dealing with those who need to diminish someone just to make themselves feel better!! Rising above the ugly and untrue is the safest way to protect yourself knowing your own value makes it easier to hold one’s head high and use you energy for more positive and useful things!! 🌲🌲🌲🌲
Oh, you put that brilliantly. Thank you.
Thinking of the complicated situation and emotions arising from it as quicksand is perfect.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience and perhaps while it doesn’t deal with the specifics of your discoveries it reminded me of a course on growing and developing ones online offerings and groups. She talked exactly to this scenario. Like you, she a person with deep integrity and heart felt intentions. She came to the point that actually those in her groups who also occupy other online spaces that she didn’t, effectively rebutted the accusations, so she chose to step back and like you put the invitation to engage away. Her people did a fine job and actually that carried more weight than if she ever had stepped up to defend herself. Sometimes our silence speaks louder. Her response was to carry on being her, being a person of integrity and still offering her heart out there as before. Her business and contentment blossom as she’s honest. Her people love and respect that. Those that aren’t sometimes throw trash. So the practice of self trust takes the effort to stay rooted and know that we are our truth AND that’s just all we need to be. You are enough.
If it’s persistent over a long period it can be draining to sustain and feel voiceless and that I know intimately.In my local community we were the butt of a neighbours dislike of our planning application. We jointly decided just to remain calm and level and not engage with the garbage being peddled. Suffice it to say we had done everything to bring them on board and adapt but decided the best way was to not feed the vitriol. It was exhausting and went on for years. Suffice it to say eventually, post build, the reasons for such behaviours surfaced which were zero to do with us and all to do with them wishing to acquire our property. It all made sense but learnt at a price of our peace for a long while. The lightbulb moment was important to be able to really achieve emotionally putting it in the past. We understand that it was nothing to do with anything we proposed, but simply being the wrong people as far as they were concerned. We would always be the wrong people whatever we did or didn’t do. My point here - it will be nothing to do with you, eventually they will get bored if the thread isn’t fed. Some take longer to die than others. However, we very clearly understand who aren’t necessarily able to to be “fair” around us and who are and we handle things tentatively without being rude. We understand viscerally that some folk really have no interest in other’s welfare or the effect of their behaviour. Full stop.
It’s quite the challenge to swallow that you, what you stand for or your integrity is actually of no interest or value to another. Especially if you are open and trustworthy in your bones . There is no “community “ in their soul. We all like to feel there is at least a modicum of self respect and restraint between us to balance our self motivation but for some it runs thin. We know our detractors will never open their minds or hearts so response has to be carry on being our selves , including thinking about their welfare when it’s really tough too. I allow myself the acknowledgment that it’s tough though. Truth wins on the inner peace front.
A lovely therapist during a nasty divorce said to me “ your best revenge is always to behave better than he does “ When am tempted to go fishing in the pond of defence her voice steps up and I put that shiny bauble straight back down.
Thank you so much for this. Your words really struck a chord with me and I'm sure will do with others reading the thread too.
Sitting in discomfort is something most of us struggle with. You sat with the discomfort and allowed it to pass. Well done you!
Thank you. It definitely felt uncomfortable but I'm so pleased I went with it and let it pass. It feels totally different to how I have reacted in the past - very much a learning moment.
Thank you so much for this post. As a big Twitter user, I’ve become really adept at scrolling on, muting and ignoring people who enter my online space with rudeness and aggression. My golden rule is that if they approach in bad faith, I don’t need to respond. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze!
Ha! I love that. I'm definitely going to remember that in future.
Often I text a reply, look at it, think Naaaah, then delete. You’re right, it’s not worth the energy because you can never convince them otherwise anyway. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Finished the book. My lips are sealed.
Back to knitting!
sometimes just writing it out and deleting it is the healthiest thing you can do!
Such a hard skill to remember and even harder to master... as a HSP I find this almost impossible but I am working on it!
I know exactly what you mean. It's only taken me 50 years to start to do this 😂
Thank you for sharing this great story Louise❤ It's certainly not great that it happened but it's delicious that you noticed, shut your computer and walked away! That negative online thread showed up at exactly the right time for you, it taught you to grow and release and now, you have taught us.
Walking away, knowing that their opinions are not really about you, is so easy to say and so very hard to do. I love Glennon Doyle's "Block & Bless", get them out of your life, send them on their way with love and light and you keep moving forward. The first time I got a super negative online comment I was shaken but I also thought "Wow, I'm finally making an impact. If everyone likes you you're being too homogenous and not really standing FOR anything".
As you said, your community who knows you will wholeheartedly stand with you in solidarity and you can see that happening here. The ones who would be swayed by those comments are not your people.
Block and bless. I absolutely love that. And thank you so much for your kind words.
When anything like this happens it makes me want to completely distance myself from the people and the situation. I have better and far more interesting things to do with my time and energy than engage with such toxicity. Good on you for taking a breath and doing what’s best for you. After all, you have to live with you.
Oh gosh Louise, so sorry you had to encounter that. Well done for walking away! Sending tea and sympathy ...
Thank you - much appreciated
Well done You Louise I totally agree with all you have said, totally did the right thing and walked away from the drama
Have a lovely day 🤗
Hurrah for letting it go. They don't know you, you don't know them - best keep it that way!
That's such a brilliant way of looking at it - thank you.