Protect your peace
You have more control than you think
As the end of the year is fast approaching - sneaking up behind us with the relentlessness of a sticky fingered toddler in search of snacks - I thought this might be a good moment for a bit of a breather, a bit of a reframe.
A little bit of time just for you to stop and take a moment.
It’s a good time to remind you (and me) that we have more control over social media and those little apps on our phone than we think we do.
“You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to”
It’s true! Just because someone is determined to start a row on social media you don’t have to respond. As tempting as it might be. I try to put my phone down and do something else for 5 minutes while I decide whether it is worth responding or not. It will come as no surprise that 99% of the time the answer is ‘not’.
A lot of people are angry right now and a lot of people are in a very reactive frame of mind while they are on social media. It doesn’t mean that you need to join them.
I am very intentional in how I follow the news and current events for example. For the sake of my mental health I don’t watch the news on TV and I really limit my sources of news to those times when I have the mental resilience to deal with it.
This means that I have no hesitation in muting or blocking people online who share a lot of news and current events. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that I need to exert some control over what I see and when I see it. And please consider this your permission slip to do the same.
“Protect your peace. It’s the only one you’ve got”
Other actions which have helped me recently:
💫 Setting up an analogue-only corner. I was really inspired by
who writes Nordic Simplicity, and who recently wrote about setting up what she called a ‘no-screen-nook’. Mine doesn’t look quite so cosy but I am working on it slowly and have removed all chargers and screens from the vicinity. It’s where I go to with a book and a brew, or my knitting when I just need a break from everything else. And it’s wonderful. I think I need to add some more blankets though.💫 Digital detoxes are nothing new, but I have found that deleting social media apps off my phone for a day at the weekend is really helpful. It’s so easy to fall into the habit of just picking up my phone to check on Instagram or to pop in and scroll Threads but really I would be better served by picking up a pen or a book. Removing the apps removes that immediate dopamine-seeking behaviour and I’m quite ashamed at how well it works.
💫 Saying No. I’m pleased to report that I am getting a lot better at this and the list of things I am happy to say No to is growing. It’s definitely something I find gets better with practice.
Substack specifics
Substack has become a lot more noisier in recent months is true - especially if you use Notes. As
pointed out recently, there’s no denying that it is now more ‘social media’ and less ‘cosy chat’. It’s not necessarily a bad thing but it does mean that we need to be more aware of how we are using it. A few things that have helped me include:💫 Turning off notifications and emails - all of them
💫 Substack gives you the choice in how you see new pieces from the people you follow - some prefer to read them in email, others prefer to access them on the app/laptop. You can access the ‘smart notifications’ settings by tapping on your little avatar at the top of the Substack page, selecting ‘settings’ and then scrolling down to the Notifications section.
💫 Only responding to comments and messages on my laptop where I can give them full attention.
💫 Setting bookmarked tabs on my laptop for people whose Substacks I particularly want to keep up with and not worrying too much about my Substack inbox.
How are you finding things online at the minute - manageable or just a bit too much much? Let me know in the comments and we’ll see if we can’t support each other a little.
And if you know of someone who you think would enjoy reading this - please do tap the little share button below or feel free to email it to them.
This is part of the 24 Essays Club series - kindly hosted by
Other posts in this series include:
You can fortunately read all substacks via RSS, so I add the ones I want to keep up with (including yours) to Feedly where I read all my favorite blogs (and these days "newsletters") that I am interested in.
Feedly only shows what I have subscribed to and absolutely NO recommendations which I love. It's available as a website and an app as well, and in the app I have notifications turned of. I love it.
Tech things aside I too am trying to say ‘no’ more often, I realise I have become a people pleaser - usually because it feels like true line of least resistance - but it rarely benefits me. I think we need to embrace our inner toddlers, they don’t ever seem to have any problem saying no!