I'm the opposite, used to solitude, I've travelled quite a lot by myself, it's hard at the beginning but after a few times it becomes something you look forwards to.
It is my dream to spend some time in a shepherds hut with an outside bath 🛀🏻
I totally understand how given the time to be on your own it can be difficult to get into that mindset but it’s still something I dream about doing too. I quite fancy a tiny cottage by the sea where I can walk, read, write, knit and maybe even paint. Although the reality would most likely be I wouldn’t know what to choose to do and I’d end up faffing about! I hope you get some time to yourself this summer
I think it’s quite common, especially for women to find that we long for solitude and then when we get it we are a little stunned 🤣
It’s definitely something I want to practice more. I love my own company and I’m more than happy being by myself, it’s more of case of being at peace with pottering about (without necessarily being productive).
Another very relatable post, Louise. It is adorable when kids show that kind of independence. I haven’t been on a knitting retreat too, it’s on my someday list. ❤️
AH, Louise, at this point in my life, I long for the smell of the salty ocean air and some sand under my feet! This summer has been busy with handling my late father's will and settling his estate, as well as attending to my own writing projects and editing four dissertations for doctoral students. Yesterday I booked four days at a mid-scale hotel near the beach. I have a stack of books ready to go and I'm choosing a light weight knitting project to take. Solitude is to good for the soul and I'm looking forward to a few days sitting by the pool or the ocean!
Oh my god.. my daughter used to say the same! 🤣 For her it was "My do it... by my own!" I thought it was so cute, I didn't correct her. I remember feeling sad when she started saying it "correctly". It's funny the little things we'll always remember ❤️
Oh my goodness, my daughter used to say “I do this all by myself own”! That little phrase brought back so many memories.
I completely get your restlessness when you were on your own - I’ve experienced that too. Even at home, when my husband is out and the kids are at school. It’s like I don’t know what to do with myself.
I’ve thought about doing a little retreat and always talk myself out of it. I’m so glad your hubby did it for you, even if it did feel a bit unsettling. Being alone with our thoughts can be uncomfortable, but it usually means we there are things it needs to say but we’ve been too busy to listen - at least, that’s what I’ve found.
For some reason, you’ve given me an idea of giving myself a mini retreat at home each day. I’ve starting teaching myself how to paint, and I think I might make it an indulgent part of my day - leave the paints out, light a candle, soft music. 🥰
I've done week long solitary retreats and weekends. I borrowed a friend's house for one and in a cabin for another. I am hoping to do another week in October this year. The retreats I do are dedicated to meditation and study, writing, resting, noticing. I don't use my phone other than to listen to talks, led meditations or take photos. I really hope you get to go.
I think your opening bit about your son swatting away any help and wanting to 'do it by his own' is a clue to your dilemma of enjoying time 'by your own'. Here your husband gifted you with a swell place to sit and knit a bit or simply look out on that wonderful street scene and you are in search of why you can't enjoy it. This is a little like when we have many things that need to be attended to and we can't get going on any of them. A favorite radio self-help coach suggested taking baby steps that change the mind's organizing system that may have gotten rusty from lack of use. Lets' say you need to catch-up on letters and notes to friends and family. Your first step will be to buy stamps. You can only buy stamps the first day. On the second day, you can only buy or select stationery and cards. On the 3rd day you can only address the envelopes. And on the 4th day you can only write one card. Well of course by day 2 or 3 you have already written and sent at least half of your correspondence! But this approach might be applied to enjoying a bit of time on your own. We usually bring along way too many things that we are going to catch up on and there by flummox our wee brain as to which we are really going to do. And of course we rebel at leaving any of the choices behind. One approach is to only allow yourself to do a teensy bit of each, at a time. Only read one page of that new book. Only knit 1 row of your knitting project, only visit one shop in town. You get the idea, it is a little like greasing the mechanism to get it moving! Then again, one could play hooky and chat up some handsome stranger! 😄
Oh my gosh, the roadworks on the A1 at Doncaster!!! Had me howling. I live in Doncaster, and those roadworks never seem to be coming to an end!
To your question... my husband and I have stayed in a few shepherd's huts over the years (pre-baby) and love them. We even found one with a wood burning fire once! (In Wales, so not SE England I'm afraid...). We've used Rural Retreats a few times (for a big treat, anniversary-style treat), but there are loads of websites for them. I hope you find one!
My daughter coined the phrase "do it self", and this had stuck with us through 2 more children and our grandson!
In the last 3 years I have got used to having 3 days/2 nights on my own, as my husband stays at my daughters to go into the office and then works from home 2 days. I have enjoyed being able to do what I want when I want with no pressure about cooking meals etc, I can sit and knit or stitch to my hearts content, and somehow the house stays cleaner when only I am there! Sometimes, however, I feel really lonely and then can't settle to anything. All this will change when he finally retires at the end of this year, perhaps then I will be looking for that solitude occasionally ...
I was the youngest of 4, all born about 5 years apart. My sister, 15 years older, born at the end of WW2, left home for London and nursing, brother 10 years older, disabled by measles, spent time in residential schools, brother 6 years older, went to choir school in London and only came home in the holidays, so …. I was a solitary child who spent a lot of time on my own, with music, books & knitting. This has set me up to be content in my own company even though I’m married with 3 grown up children. I think I’ve been lucky because I love company, parties, friends together, family get togethers, but I love being on my own. When I go swimming I swim my lengths and think. My idea of a good afternoon is knitting or reading and listening to classical music but invite me to a social event and I’m all over it. I tend to take sock knitting/kindle/phone on my travels as I have a low boredom threshold and have a fear of doing nothing and have invested in a bag which fits in all three. As I type this on my phone, I’m listening to Radio 3 with a knitting project by my side and a book on the go plus a small notebook on which I’m writing a shopping list for a pop up wool show near me tomorrow where I will meet up with knitting friends to discuss knitting and politics as per usual. I am a lucky person.
I hope you find a hut to retreat to! That sounds wonderful being immersed in nature and I'm envisaging you sitting on the porch with your knitting :) I can totally appreciate that you found yourself at a little bit of a loss with being with just yourself. Do you ever think back to the time before children? Does what you did then, fit into your time alone now? I'm very interested to follow your experiences on this journey, of finding a peace with solitude.
I once read somewhere (can't remember where) that the trick is when you think of things that you'd like to do/eat/watch the next time you get alone time, write them down. That way when you know you have that time you have a reference to look at and inspire you. My husband goes away for a long weekend two or three times a year and I find myself planning weeks in advance what I'm going to do!
I'm the opposite, used to solitude, I've travelled quite a lot by myself, it's hard at the beginning but after a few times it becomes something you look forwards to.
It is my dream to spend some time in a shepherds hut with an outside bath 🛀🏻
Oh yes! That sounds amazing.
I spend an inordinate amount of time browsing online for shepherds huts or retreat/digital detox cabins....one day....
I totally understand how given the time to be on your own it can be difficult to get into that mindset but it’s still something I dream about doing too. I quite fancy a tiny cottage by the sea where I can walk, read, write, knit and maybe even paint. Although the reality would most likely be I wouldn’t know what to choose to do and I’d end up faffing about! I hope you get some time to yourself this summer
Thank you - you too 🧡
I think it’s quite common, especially for women to find that we long for solitude and then when we get it we are a little stunned 🤣
It’s definitely something I want to practice more. I love my own company and I’m more than happy being by myself, it’s more of case of being at peace with pottering about (without necessarily being productive).
Spot on!
Another very relatable post, Louise. It is adorable when kids show that kind of independence. I haven’t been on a knitting retreat too, it’s on my someday list. ❤️
My daughter is still a bit young to leave so I’m going to enjoy your retreat vicariously!
AH, Louise, at this point in my life, I long for the smell of the salty ocean air and some sand under my feet! This summer has been busy with handling my late father's will and settling his estate, as well as attending to my own writing projects and editing four dissertations for doctoral students. Yesterday I booked four days at a mid-scale hotel near the beach. I have a stack of books ready to go and I'm choosing a light weight knitting project to take. Solitude is to good for the soul and I'm looking forward to a few days sitting by the pool or the ocean!
Oh my god.. my daughter used to say the same! 🤣 For her it was "My do it... by my own!" I thought it was so cute, I didn't correct her. I remember feeling sad when she started saying it "correctly". It's funny the little things we'll always remember ❤️
Oh my goodness, my daughter used to say “I do this all by myself own”! That little phrase brought back so many memories.
I completely get your restlessness when you were on your own - I’ve experienced that too. Even at home, when my husband is out and the kids are at school. It’s like I don’t know what to do with myself.
Those little words and phrases mean the world don’t they. 🧡 I wish I had written more of them down.
I’ve thought about doing a little retreat and always talk myself out of it. I’m so glad your hubby did it for you, even if it did feel a bit unsettling. Being alone with our thoughts can be uncomfortable, but it usually means we there are things it needs to say but we’ve been too busy to listen - at least, that’s what I’ve found.
For some reason, you’ve given me an idea of giving myself a mini retreat at home each day. I’ve starting teaching myself how to paint, and I think I might make it an indulgent part of my day - leave the paints out, light a candle, soft music. 🥰
I've done week long solitary retreats and weekends. I borrowed a friend's house for one and in a cabin for another. I am hoping to do another week in October this year. The retreats I do are dedicated to meditation and study, writing, resting, noticing. I don't use my phone other than to listen to talks, led meditations or take photos. I really hope you get to go.
I think your opening bit about your son swatting away any help and wanting to 'do it by his own' is a clue to your dilemma of enjoying time 'by your own'. Here your husband gifted you with a swell place to sit and knit a bit or simply look out on that wonderful street scene and you are in search of why you can't enjoy it. This is a little like when we have many things that need to be attended to and we can't get going on any of them. A favorite radio self-help coach suggested taking baby steps that change the mind's organizing system that may have gotten rusty from lack of use. Lets' say you need to catch-up on letters and notes to friends and family. Your first step will be to buy stamps. You can only buy stamps the first day. On the second day, you can only buy or select stationery and cards. On the 3rd day you can only address the envelopes. And on the 4th day you can only write one card. Well of course by day 2 or 3 you have already written and sent at least half of your correspondence! But this approach might be applied to enjoying a bit of time on your own. We usually bring along way too many things that we are going to catch up on and there by flummox our wee brain as to which we are really going to do. And of course we rebel at leaving any of the choices behind. One approach is to only allow yourself to do a teensy bit of each, at a time. Only read one page of that new book. Only knit 1 row of your knitting project, only visit one shop in town. You get the idea, it is a little like greasing the mechanism to get it moving! Then again, one could play hooky and chat up some handsome stranger! 😄
Oh my gosh, the roadworks on the A1 at Doncaster!!! Had me howling. I live in Doncaster, and those roadworks never seem to be coming to an end!
To your question... my husband and I have stayed in a few shepherd's huts over the years (pre-baby) and love them. We even found one with a wood burning fire once! (In Wales, so not SE England I'm afraid...). We've used Rural Retreats a few times (for a big treat, anniversary-style treat), but there are loads of websites for them. I hope you find one!
My daughter coined the phrase "do it self", and this had stuck with us through 2 more children and our grandson!
In the last 3 years I have got used to having 3 days/2 nights on my own, as my husband stays at my daughters to go into the office and then works from home 2 days. I have enjoyed being able to do what I want when I want with no pressure about cooking meals etc, I can sit and knit or stitch to my hearts content, and somehow the house stays cleaner when only I am there! Sometimes, however, I feel really lonely and then can't settle to anything. All this will change when he finally retires at the end of this year, perhaps then I will be looking for that solitude occasionally ...
I was the youngest of 4, all born about 5 years apart. My sister, 15 years older, born at the end of WW2, left home for London and nursing, brother 10 years older, disabled by measles, spent time in residential schools, brother 6 years older, went to choir school in London and only came home in the holidays, so …. I was a solitary child who spent a lot of time on my own, with music, books & knitting. This has set me up to be content in my own company even though I’m married with 3 grown up children. I think I’ve been lucky because I love company, parties, friends together, family get togethers, but I love being on my own. When I go swimming I swim my lengths and think. My idea of a good afternoon is knitting or reading and listening to classical music but invite me to a social event and I’m all over it. I tend to take sock knitting/kindle/phone on my travels as I have a low boredom threshold and have a fear of doing nothing and have invested in a bag which fits in all three. As I type this on my phone, I’m listening to Radio 3 with a knitting project by my side and a book on the go plus a small notebook on which I’m writing a shopping list for a pop up wool show near me tomorrow where I will meet up with knitting friends to discuss knitting and politics as per usual. I am a lucky person.
I hope you find a hut to retreat to! That sounds wonderful being immersed in nature and I'm envisaging you sitting on the porch with your knitting :) I can totally appreciate that you found yourself at a little bit of a loss with being with just yourself. Do you ever think back to the time before children? Does what you did then, fit into your time alone now? I'm very interested to follow your experiences on this journey, of finding a peace with solitude.
I once read somewhere (can't remember where) that the trick is when you think of things that you'd like to do/eat/watch the next time you get alone time, write them down. That way when you know you have that time you have a reference to look at and inspire you. My husband goes away for a long weekend two or three times a year and I find myself planning weeks in advance what I'm going to do!