Ten things I've learnt from parenting teenagers

Essentially it all boils down to snacks 🤣

Eldest son and myself in matchy-matchy handknit socks

Our two boys were born precisely 50 weeks apart. Both a little premature, both needing a little extra TLC in those early days. Both with their own unique personalities to be sure but, partly by nature of them being so close in age they have always been a distinct unit, a force of nature able to tackle pretty much anything that life throws at them.

Our eldest of course doesn’t remember a time when his younger brother wasn’t around. For my youngest, the fact that there are 2 weeks of the year when they are both the same age means that, for him, there’s nothing that his big brother can do that he can’t. He is only a big brother for 50 weeks of the year after all. The other 2 weeks are totally fair game.

Our little family unit has always been somewhat quirky and having an unconventional age gap meant that we never really fitted in with the more traditional toddler groups and social activities.

The impact of such a close age gap has lessened as they’ve got older and in recent years it’s actually become so much more fun and mutually supportive.

Parenting teenagers always brings it’s own unique set of challenges though and over the years I have picked up a few tips that work for us. Feel free to take what works for you and disregard the rest.

1. Snacks help, always.

2. If in doubt offer a hug.

3. Allow plenty of decompression time after school/college before trying to talk or have any kind of meaningful conversation.

4. Create space for conversation.

5. Trust that they’ll come to you when they are ready to talk.

6. Did I mention that snacks help.

7. Encourage basic independence skills - laundry, cleaning etc without being too proscriptive. It doesn’t matter if they don’t do the chore exactly as you would do it, as long as they do it.

8. Ask if they want advice or just to vent.

9. Try not to go into ‘solve the problem’ mode straightaway.

10. A few extra snacks, just in case.

Oh.. and one more…if you are going to knit for them get them to pick out the yarn and pattern in advance so you know that they stand a fighting chance of wearing it.

It’s been a wild ride and now as our youngest son has gone off to Uni it really does feel as though we are entering the next phase of our parent/son relationship.

One particular highlight recently came at a bit of a personal low point. I was experiencing a period of low mental health and my eldest son picked up on it. Not only did he offer a shoulder to cry on but gave me some really gentle, compassionate advice. The kind of advice I’ve probably given him at some point over the years but reflected back to me in a way that honestly made me cry.

I guess that’s the point though. As parents we are here to raise our kids to be fully-rounded, independent humans. Capable of carving their own way in the world. Both helping themselves and those around them to make the world a better place.

This my 14th essay in the 24 Essays Club, kindly hosted by

Claire Venus (she/her) ✨

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